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the way we touched and pseudo kissed
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[13 Jul 2004|10:04pm] |
how silly of me.
i said it as if i thought you actually cared.
update:
im in heart with the bestest person ever who takes crazy photos with me<3 and i have 2 jobs that make me sad.
i however, also shop too much now as a result of my gap job.
im moving.
and i love cold weather more than ever.
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| i think its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images |
[29 May 2004|12:34am] |
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music |
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postal service- such great heights |
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and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.
when i move i don't want any more lonely friday nights stuck at home while my mom is out on a date. i keep picking up the phone to call people to hang out with me tonight but ...
i want someone to spend friday nights and saturday nights and all those other lonely nights with me.
it doesn't ecven have to be a boy. girlllllls. rachel, sonia, and DIDI i'll be near you!
( any takers? )
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| and the truth comes out |
[18 May 2004|09:52pm] |
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music |
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the sound of regrets settling. ha. |
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the truth is..
everyone will be getting better while i will just say the same.
and for some reason, ill relish in the fact progress will not/has not been made.
why?
because i know, and i don't care what you say [ahem ry ry], i will be something. someone. i'm going to do something with myself and amaze and surprise everyone. they dont expect it out from me. but i expect it out from me.
sometimes i forget that and i remember that night when you were here justin. on the bed. in that room. my skirt. you. three months ago. [time flies by quickly!] and we were talking. and you said you saw something different in me.
that gave me hope. faith or something that someone besides me knew or [knows??] that i'm going to be something someday. thats why i either risk it all sometimes or i dont. i think for the future for myself and try to not just live for now. is that bad? what i mean is, i felt somehow it wasn't just some line you were spouting justin. it was the truth.
carpe diem is wonderful. but man, carpe vida! i mixed spanish with latin.
but i meantttt. seize life.
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[03 May 2004|05:23pm] |
i think im going to play dead for a little while and not update here. and basically avoid people .
and study.
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[26 Apr 2004|08:25pm] |
its been 2 hours since i last saw my annie and i miss her and aly like crazy already. i love you annie. i had so much fun with you and alysha here. you guys are the best and make me wish so hard i lived in denver so i could go to shows with you, watch you guys dance, and import omaha and iowa boys to denver.
alysha is soooo adorable.
p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALYSHA<333333
p.p.s im sorry i didnt hang with you ry ry. dont cry cry<3
p.p.p.s im sorry we didnt get to make out rachel:(:(
well, sorry i was too lazy to go to r87. but if you guys ever come back for any other shows, dude, im down for it!
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[25 Apr 2004|04:11pm] |
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can anyone count in iambic pentameter?
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[24 Apr 2004|09:43am] |
current obsessions:
music:
ted leo and the pharmicists
BLONDE REDHEAD!!!
yo la tengo
coheed and cambria
death cab for cutie [alwayysss. it makes me so sad i always miss them. ive liked them for so many years but whenever they come im not in town or i cant go because of various reasons:(]
explosions in the sky
yeah yeah yeahs
makeup:
rosebud lip balm
tv show:
iron chef
full house
book:
a heartbreaking work of staggering genius
blahblahblah.
rachel do you have a number where i can contact you? im going to be in the city all day today and annie would like to hang with you at the show! you know my cell number so...use it??<333
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[21 Apr 2004|12:09am] |
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music |
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explosions in the sky- memorial |
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OMGGGGGGG YOU FUCKING ROCK DAN!!
not very many boys dedicate songs to me.
and better yet, they dont dedicate MAPS to me.
i hope girls called in and hit on you afterwards and told you how sweet you are!<3
enough of me pretending to be 14 again.
on a side note: i am in love with duane michaels. he has some of the most beautiful photographs ever. he makes me hold my breath and hope for more. he inspires me to take photographs. and ive been lacking the energy or something inside me is missing the necessary components to do so. or to feel for the photos.
i couldnt find his photos in a unanimated sequence online so settle for a animated.gif of it. he does sequence photographs.
that's one of my favorite ones. it doesn't make sense until you see that its entitled "i remember the argument"
here's one of his most famous ones:
"Chance Meeting"
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[20 Apr 2004|09:27pm] |
i just did it to see if i was more scene than chrischris
1. studded belt - 2 points: 2
2. dyed black hair - 2 points: 1 its naturally black. dur.
3. thick rimed glasses - 2 points: 2
4. tight shirts/pants - 2 points each: dude. i have too much. im a girl. ill round and say 46
5. gaudy belt buckle - 2 points each: 2
6. clothing bought from a thrift store - 1 point each: 30
7. having hair with bangs longer than the rest - 2 points: 0
8. trucker hats - 2 points: 0. [Shit, I should get two points for NOT having one.]word up on that chrischris
9. messenger bag - 3 points: 3
10. livejournal/myspace/friendster account - 2 points each: 6
11. saucony/new balance/converse shoes - 2 points per pair: 2
12. mountian climbing key thingy - 2 points: 0 eww
13. X'd up mosh gloves - 10 points: 0
14. scarf - 2 points: 2
15. refering to bands as acronym - 2 points: 2.
16. vegan diet - 5 points: 0
17. vegitarian diet - for shame, no points: 2 im starting. does that count?
18. food not bombs participation - 5 points: 0 eeee. hamish!!
19. straight edge - 5 points: 3 im close enough.
20. aspiring photographer - 3 points: 3
21. using adj from the late 80's/ early 90's (i.e. rad, gnarly, rockin', etc.) 1 point for each word in vernacular: 5
22. pins/buttons 1/2 point each: 10
23. plugs/body piercings - 2 points each: 6
24. vinyl collection - 10 points: 0
25. moldy peaches fan - 10 points: 0.
26. liking metal seriously - deduct 5 points: 0
27. liking metalcore - 5 points: 3
28. reading books over 300 pages long - 3 points: 3 no offense, but most kids i know cant read
39. riding a bike - 5 points: 0 i dont know how to ride a bike
30. participating in "the mosh" - 5 points: 0
31. tea aficianado - 5 points: 5
32. writing poetry - 5 points: 5
33. attended 50 shows or more in a year - 2 points: .5 of a point. ive done like half. 2shows a month about..24..so .5 of a point.
34. attending hell fest - 5 points: 0
35. being in a band - 5 points: 0
36. working at an indy record store/health food store - 5 points: 0
37. clapping during midpaced part of a song - 5 points: 0
143.5 points.
dude im not that scene. its the clothing questions i just win at because i have a ton of clothes:-\.
total = 0-24 - poser! get out or be forced out.
25-44 - beginner. attend more shows, buy more records, you'll be fine.
45-74 - scenester. you've been around awhile and you know what's up, good job.
*75 - or more - GOD! i bow to thee with your knowledge of everything hardcore.
holy crud. the light in my room just went out. suck. ew.
p.s. after 2 days of smoking. ive quit smoking. why? because i hate having my hair smell like smoke and my clothes too. so in general im like too vain to smoke or something.
bad days are echedhmna!
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| yowza. |
[18 Apr 2004|06:27pm] |
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music |
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blonde redhead- magic mountain |
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three things i realized today:
star tattoos are tacky. and played out. well a tattoo only of a star and nothing else. sorry if you have one but please someone, anyone, [im looking at rachy here] SHOOT ME if i ever get a star tattoo.
another thing is that
wow its a turn on when someone calls me by my full name. not just jess. but like jessica. or jessica iris. or iris even.
coughhintcough./
and third, my mother lacks logic. she wouldnt talk to me all of today except to yell at me or pick a fight with me just because she thought i ate her cranberry cookie.
first off, I DONT or wouldnt even try a cranberry cookie.
secondly, i looked all over for it and asked if she had it in her purse or something and she said she already checked and that i should just stop lying and confess that i ate the cookie.
then i went into her room a few minutes ago and there it was on a plate on her desk.
yeah and she didnt even say sorry for blaming me for eating her stupid cookie.
oh and heres another thing:
i know im asian because i make as many typos as one.
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| im a joke!!!!!!!!! |
[18 Apr 2004|03:49pm] |
dear ben,
thanks for letting me borrow your explosions in the sky cd.
im in <3 with it. and it helps me sleep. but im worried that you cant sleep now without it.
im too scared to call you. sorry! i suck. i was going to last night and then i got distracted.
but okay. im moving. you know this. so sometime im handing you back your c.d's
AND SAYING HI TO RIO.
<3 jessica
---
dear world,
i dont want to talk to you anymore. sorry. im too impatient sometimes. i shouldnt be. sometimes im waiting for something thats not there. that just shows what a silly person i can be sometimes.
xo jessica
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dear o:hbr girls,
youre all so hot id kiss you all.
love jessica
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dear jessica
i might as well be drunk with this crazy rambling. p.s. buy cigarettes. jay kay!
sincerely, you
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dear rachel,
this entry makes me think of you. im definitely turning into a you or something. i just need to wear more skirts now. and have nippley photos. kekeke<3
forever yours, jessica
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dear alex,
i swear. my hand is on the reciever and dialing your number as i type this. sushisushi.
-jessica
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dear didi,rita and hammie,
i dont know why but when i think of one of you guys i think of the other people too. hi.
kekeke ^_^*, jessica
----
dear karina, thomas and richard and anniee,
i <3 you guys. for reals.
hearts, jessica
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dear lj people
i have a poudning headache from this.
with all the ouches and ows possible, jessica
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dear williyum and dougay,
you guys are so metro youre gay.<3
kisses, jessica
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dear sarah,
i should move to colorado and it can be just the two of us breaking hearts and making lips bleed.
kitties and ducks, jess
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dear justy,
why oh why are you so far away? couldnt you come back here and stay? then we can spend our rainy days [broke the rhyme!] together in more months like december or is it november whichever.
always, jessica
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dear graeme,
i cant wait to get your letter. i <3 your random calls and pretending to be british to you. i wish you lived in san jose again. why did your parents make you move so far away from me? this summer im making it my MISSION to see you. and michelle. and jay and claire and river. i just hope youre not always drunk around me. but even if you are i <3 you because i <3ed you first and i <3 you STILL. man oh man. summers coming up. it'll be the mark of me knowing you for over 3 years maybe its 4 now even but man. <33
peanuts and elephants, jessica
--------
who else wants a letter?
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[14 Apr 2004|04:54pm] |
habits i should pick up:
smoking
drinking
habits i need to drop:
eating
liking people
yeah right<3.
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| so maybe i lied when i said you couldnt know me any better |
[10 Apr 2004|11:01pm] |
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music |
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the unsteady beat of my heart and your screams |
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I remember how when i was little we would get into fights over something stupid. simple everyday objects suddenly seemed so deadly and hurtful when theyre were in your hands. i remember the hard wood of the hanger crashing against my nose and the warm salty drip of blood from my nose gushing out and across my winnie the pooh sheets. the sheets i was hiding under. the sheets i got even more mad at you about because you got my blood ALL OVER them. seeing my blood across my clean white winnie the pooh sheets infuriated me even more.
but evenmore than that i was scared.
i remember licking the taste of salty tears and blood of my dry lips. i remember crying to sleep and waking up with dried blood hard against my skin and brown against my sheets.
i remember the time where i wasa little bit older. when you didnt make me bleed with your own hands anymore but how i made me bleed from my own hands. i must have learned from the best.
i remember how one night you took the wooden handle of my brush and my hair into your hands. no, you didnt lovingly brush it like mothiers. you yanked my hair and hope from me as you smacked the brush against my skull. then you grabbed the blow dryer and slammed it not only agianst my skull but against my face this time as well. i remember bleeding again.
then you went to the broom closet [how fitting for a witch] and pulling out the brooming and slamming it against my legs making me buckle over and onto the wooden floors. i liked how the wood felt cold against my hot, wet and flushed cheeks. i remember the swift and not so steady strokes against my sides.
i couldnt breathe.
but thankfully, you were nice enough to let me breathe again mother. you know, catch my breath from the hitting by aiming towards my head instead.
i remmeber the time the anger took over and i forgot back and i hit you back with the same force you gave me.
and then i remember regretting it once i felt the old taste of my blood in my mouth once again.
thank you. from you ive learned how to handle and take in more pain into my heart than ever possible.
and im sorry. to you, and to hamish, james, and maybe justin, and ben or whoever i may have disappointed or let down or been mean to as of late.
but especially to you hamish for forgetting your 21st birthday/
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[09 Apr 2004|01:13am] |
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i really really want to throw up.
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[06 Apr 2004|08:45pm] |
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music |
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my chemical romance- romance |
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joke: so what do you and the bermuda triangle have in common??
YOU BOTH SWALLOW A LOT OF SEA MEN!
im really forgetful lately. i forget to contact people. i forget people. [i think i want to] and most importantly i forget my camera everywhere i go.
i leave it everywhere. thank goodness i have friends who care enough to pick it up for me. [or more so it just seems like one friend and its not inna. inna and i seem to have lost contact.] i forgot my phone some place last week..and now i lost the earrings my grandmother gave me. i keep reminding myself to remember...but sometimes i even forget to remind myself. its a vicious cycle really. but its left me all ... blah feeling. and i cried on the bus on the way home yesterday. it was really unnecessary of me but i needed it in some way.
things cheered up today because i remembered to wear my glasses so i could see better.
( your hand in mine )
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[04 Apr 2004|10:03pm] |
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music |
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blonde readhead- falling man |
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someone give me an eskimo kiss.
things are well. they are just things. ive sort of grown apart from everyone. distance is the only thing we have between me and them. on my will and doing or on theirs. or ours. ive only really talked to 4 people lately. joshua, kristina, tommy and joeseph and maybe annie [yes you annie q!]. they give me the silences that i need. and remind me how to smile.
but i think i like this. this a loneliness. i dont seek it, it hurts but i do things with other people [like the party last night!] but im really much more of an independent than i let myself believe sometimes. but i dont dwell on it. thankfully. i realize fun is to be had and fun is all around me. i go out more than i used to. this is good.
or maybe im just making excuses for myself and others [as usual]. but last night was fun. i felt 10 again. i love that feeling.
im.. fine. not horribly good. not horribly bad. im sure things are bound to change as they always do. but im here. situated between far away and a resting spot.
im taking my time to breathe. because you know how i always forget to.
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[28 Mar 2004|11:56pm] |
i want to go to these shows:
pound, sf
Apr 4 Bane, With Or Without You, Silent Drive, Lights Out, Jealous Again a/a $10 7pm # ** @
Apr 9 Darkest Hour, Curl Up And Die, Radiation 4, Watch Them Die, Light This City a/a $10/$12 7pm # ** @
Apr 18 As I Lay Dying, Every Time I Die, Black Dahila Murder, Scarlet a/a $10/$12 7pm # ** @
Apr 22 Bleeding Through, Death By Stereo, Himsa, A Black Rose Burial a/a $10 7pm # ** @ HOWEVER himsa=casey which reminds me of sarah which reminds me of </3:(
May 29 Stretch Arm Strong, Terror, Between The Buried And Me a/a $10/$12 7pm # ** @
Redemption 87, Powerhouse, Rely, Glasgow Smile, Wound Up a/a $13 7pm # *** @
924 gilman street
Apr 25 Redemption 87, All Bets Off, Rely, Love=Death, Jealous Again a/a $5 5pm *** @
Outhouse, Los Gatos
Velvet Teen (ep release), Elected, Audrye Sessions, Polar Bears a/a $6 7pm ** @
Apr 23 Rum Diary, From Monument To Masses, Plot To Blow Up The Eiffel Tower, Shinobu, Inventing Edward a/a $6 7pm ** @
Slim's, S.F.
Tue May 11 Avenged Sevenfold, My Chemical Romance, Noise Ratchet a/a $13 8pm **
5/3
death cab for cutie
Fillmore (San Francisco, CA)
with Ben Kweller (BK plays last)
all-ages
5/4
death cab for cutie
Fillmore (San Francisco, CA)
with Ben Kweller, The Thermals
all-ages
unfortunately all my friends like bands like the shins, rilo kiley, nada surf, ted leo and the pharmicists, or blahblahblah. and dont even like hardcore.
who wants to come with me?
hammmmmmmiee? rittaaa?
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[28 Mar 2004|12:45am] |
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music |
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blonde redhead- girl boy |
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so my style changes and flexuates according to my moods or music or life period.
whatever. ive noticed that i cant just wear t-shirts lately.and i only like button down or dressy shirts or long sleeved shirts [not ideal for spring mind you].
and i can't just wear converses anymore. ive been wearing dressy shoes and skirts.
this is changing. i feel its time for change. but when my style changes i do it and im not aware that i do it. i wonder what will be next.
its weird how someone so scared of change always tries to change so much.
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